Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Some women will prefer this.

Some women will prefer this.

Because America's laws prohibit polygamy, I would like to share my life with you 2 to 3 other women in a loving, contractually committed (but not married) way. The women too will be fellow partners (sisters) in this relationship based on a healthy ranch lifestyle. (By the way, I am not a Mormon although I have studied and respect the religion. I also love literature and the arts.)
Please send me a short bio and a picture – or if you prefer, an email to initiate further conversation. I would prefer a woman with a college degree and\or some vocational/college training. Although this is not my present objective, any children that are born from this union will live a safe Montana Ranch lifestyle. Please feel free to respond if you are between 20 to 28 years old (I am 30). (But don’t respond if you have a husband or are connected with some sort of sex ad or business; you will be just wasting your time.) By the way the number of women is not an issue with me; I am looking for someone who shares similar passions and interests and with whom I can emotionally connect. Any addition members would need to meet with the approval of the others – and have a fun-loving nature.
By the way my interest would be properly defined as Polyamory:
Polyamory (from Greek πολύ [poly, meaning many or several] and Latin amor [literally “love”]) is the desire, practice, or acceptance of having more than one loving, intimate relationship at a time with the full knowledge and consent of everyone involved. The term polyamory is sometimes abbreviated to poly, and is sometimes described as consensual, ethical, or responsible non-monogamy. (from Wikipedia)

Oh, Glory Be! For years I have been harboring a shameful secret: my Little House on the Prairie fetish. The long, silky hair, the calico dresses, the scent of hay, the warm, firm feel of a cow's teat in my eager hand...swoon...


My little apple blossoms, such fun we shall have!

Monday, March 30, 2009

...someone 'Happy'. ...someone 'In-Touch'. ...someone 'Cool' ...

...someone 'Happy'. ...someone 'In-Touch'. ...someone 'Cool' ...

someone ...'CAFFEINE-ADDICTED-FREE'. someone ...Clean, White, NOT-Fat, Pretty, Brushes-Teeth, O-K-Body, Understands-...'Caffeine'/very-important. ...Understands ...Health and has Happy-Pretty-Feet. ...You'll ...likes Pets, Outdoors, Creeks, Redwoods, Bicycles, and ...Motorcycles, too. ...Herb is Understood, and You look Cute/Pretty and/or ...Nice. YOU will have a Brain that Work-Well w/Cooking/Bar-b-q-ing, Hiking, and ...Producing-Babies, if Posssible. 'Get-Back-to-Me' w/Phone-Call, Love, E-mail or Other. ...and for No-Reason-at-All, I'll get You my ...'Web-Site-Address'. ...It relates to the ...TOTAL-ABSOLUTE-DESTRUCTION of CAFFEINE. ...'VIEW-DAILY'. ...Love; Steve

Wait, how am I supposed to stay "NOT-Fat" if I'm smoking herb and not drinking coffee? Seriously, that's a recipe for sitting on the couch all day eating Cheetos dipped in Nutella and watching Aqua Teen Hunger Force. I just don't see how "Brain that Work-Well w/Cooking/Bar-b-q-ing, Hiking" is possible under those conditions.

Plus, why is Steve so afraid of coffee? Maybe his sadistic parents hung this picture across from his bed:

Sunday, March 29, 2009

best guy on creags list number 1

best guy on creags list number 1

just like the title im the best fuck the rest u want to meet a reel guy give me a holla im up for anything crazy im blonde blue eyes 5,10 i love the laddeis new to town and need to find some love and a good relationship

and, uh, if u got a meth hookup that wud be sweet

Saturday, March 28, 2009

its wierd, but im serious....

its wierd, but im serious....

i have this thing that i'm itching to try again ..im sitting here wanting someone to let me do something a little out of the ordinary someone to let me put my nose on their tongue (nothing gross and no surprises) just literally that. just stick your tongue as far to your chin as you can and let me lay my nose on it for 10 seconds.....simple right? i guess there really isn't a reason for me doing this except i just like to do it and always have liked it.

Ummm...ok...it's not often that Auntie Jane is stumped, but dang! How is this sexy?

Is it the feel of all the little tastebuds, like tiny pleasure nubbins? Is it the scent of the tongue, so evocative that you begin to imagine you can smell your partner's thoughts before she voices them? Is it the thought that in all probability, NO MAN HAS DONE THIS TO HER BEFORE?

All right! You've talked me into it! Does it help that I can touch my nose with my tongue? Auntie will lick your nose Gene Simmons style, baby.

Friday, March 27, 2009

Homeless man with cute dog and internet seeks woman

Homeless man with cute dog and internet seeks woman - 27 (under 183 and burnet)

So here i am... wandering the streets of austin. just me and my super cute fluffy dog. my girlfriend gave me the boot because she was sick of me harassing her about her drunken lifestyle. im told its none of my business where she stayed the night before... over and over and over. oh well... id rather be homeless with dignity than sleeping in a warm bed with a whore. dont you agree? so... will trade affection for shelter. so long as you actually appreciate it.

Tip from your Auntie Jane- this kind of thing works a lot better for chicks. Trust your Auntie, darlings. She knows.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

i wish i can meeet that special lady

i wish i can meeet that special lady who can still my heart

i just on here looking for lady i be friends with im down earh man with no kids dont play games im not looking to hook up with stripers if u a stripers dont read this meesage its not for u ll real ladies my ideal date be going out to dinner

Attention all personnel! This patient is a DNR! Do not restart his heart under any circumstances! If you are a special lady, (I'm looking at you, Nurse Renee!) you may even take it upon yourself to still his heart.

But stay away, you pernicious candy stripers! Your winsome good cheer and wheedling, cookie-distributing ways are not welcome here!

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

WhErE u BeEn aLL mY LiFe??

WhErE u BeEn aLL mY LiFe?? - 27

What's up LaDieZ.. first let me tell you this is kinda wierd for me, i have never done anything like this before, and its not like i can't find anyone on my own.. but to be honest i just got out off a long relationship and haven't really have much time to get back into the dateing game, I have a really good job, a nice car, and heading back to school soon.. guess da person i'm looking for isn't much , just a down to earth person i can relate to and have fun with..i play almost every sport,(basketball,football,tennis.ect.) and very much an outdoor person, (Fishing,hiking,camping..ect).. currently i'm coaching a basketball team..i'm down for coffee or a quick lunch... just hit me up..Peace =)

WhErE i BeEn? eviDeNtlY I bEeN wOefUlLy NeGleCtIn mAh SHifT KeY.

(Good Lord, that's exhausting. How DO you young folks do it? Maybe it's easier when you been smokin' the shards.)

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Tears of a Clown / Why not date a Clown

Tears of a Clown / Why not date a Clown - 50 (Laugh Town U.S.A)

My profession is a clown. A very good, fun type of clown. One that will make you laugh, when your down. When you fall, I"ll be around. When no one is around to depend, Guess who's around to be your friend. My looks won't get me far. But, you won't see this clown in a Bar! I can dance the night away, with you in my arms. For I am Irish, your Lucky Charms. M .I., getting corning. Or What! What is a Clown to do. But be a servant to you! Some times people say! Your not! A Clown! Your some body's Fool! If that ture, Why not let me date you! Tears of a Clown! Note: I really am a Clown! The whole get up! Bewared! Well!.... I got to go now. It's time for me to go out and make a smile today, toinight, and every time you see me. Soooooo....... Please be nice to a clown. And if you need some Money!......... (Forget it!) I'm not that funny. Ha! Ha! Ha! #?<>..... My Photo will be posted as soon as I get it back from the (Presendent of the United States) Last time I was There trying to be funny! See you around. Keep a Simle on your face, it's not that bad. Enjoy your self, and of course with a clown. Have Fun and Great! DaY! Blow your horn At me! To Say "Hi" Your friend the Clown.

Just when I think life can't get any scarier, THINGS LIKE THIS HAPPEN. "getting corning" WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? I'M AFRAID TO LOOK IT UP ON URBAN DICTIONARY.

Friday, March 20, 2009

The am I fit test

The am I fit test ( Man uf sea)

4 a job on a fishing boat R u in shape Run /ski /kayak/bike /hike sure? Kan u cook? from scratch! Alaska ever been Mend Net? Ever Pan Gold? How OLd Do u hit the deck running easy on the eyes ever c a fish?

Why yes, I have seen a few fish in my time...

Wednesday, March 18, 2009



I truly believe that when the 2 right people meet magic happens - life becomes exhilarating and happiness can almost be held in the hands and tasted. I am looking for a lady who wants for a happy LTR. I am a rare breed, no arrogance implied, I'm just different and that could be good or bad for you. You'll learn some basics about me by reviewing the outline of the girl I seek. You must be grounded, down to earth, stable, dependable, consistent, good sense of humor, committed to your man, on the quite side and maybe a bit shy at first but still fun with good communication skills - well balanced is a good description. No smoke, no or social drinker, no drugs, no stds, no children (I love kids but I want for freedom to enjoy our life, travel etc.), healthy & fit, not overweight, 28ish to 38ish, moderate or conservative (no libs need apply), likes many indoor activities ;) --- and outdoor activities, not crazy with religion, submissive nature with old fashioned values yet open minded and adventurous and really focused on a meeting the man you want to spend the rest of your life with. If you write me you'll get nothing but the truth and I expect the same. Been divorced 11 years - I want to share my life with a great partner. Please respond with a pic if you have one.


Oh, wait... " No smoke, no or social drinker, no drugs "

Well, crap. Now what am I supposed to do with these donkeys?

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

My journey to Isengard

My journey to Isengard - 31

I am not interested in all the women that I pass in the streets, no, I am on a journey. The world is a blur and my vision strains ahead, watching, waiting, wishing... I smell her skin in the wind at times, blaming the gusts for the moisture that collects at the corners of my eyes. I have traveled, on this journey, for what feels like 10 lifetimes only to find myself lost, again, and again. In any journey one is expected to learn one of life's lessons with each chapter that the journeier closes. I am 31, yet near the end of the book that is my life, I am whole, full, complete, lacking only one thing, the cute feet that travel alongside of mine, the breath falling on my chest as she clambers atop me in the cold morning hours. I love her, I miss her, I journey.

Lambies, our beloved NEC thinks there should be a special category for LOTR fans. A special category of HOTT, maybe!

C'mere, elfy boy. Let Auntie Jane caress your pointy ears and....

Oops. I think I broke him.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Moon cleansed water

Moon cleansed water - m4w

I wanna spatter my moon cleansed water all over your face.

Under 25, no fatties. And by fatties, I mean wiccans.

Lawsy, I would surely love to slip into a sparkling faery pool of moon-blessed water and float amongst the lily pads without a care in the world.

But we all know Auntie is closer to mumble-five, and there ain't no floating back down that stream. Alas and alack.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

poetic inquiry

Kiddiewinks, I've been worrying about how so many of the men we feature here have such loooooooong ads. (And no, it doesn't mean what big feet mean, sadn't I to say.) So I've been looking for the shorter, pithier men. But our always-reliable Northern Correspondent sent this gem, and I was smitten.

poetic inquiry

Why does love hurt?
This I can’t explain
What are we looking for?
Something we can’t explain
Looking for a shorty with a nice caboose
Want to open up my heart and let this love be turned loose
I’m not tall dark or handsome
Better look elsewhere elsewhere
I’m the boy that your mom warned you about
Only because she wanted this all to her self
I need a lady who can help me because I am in a jam
Don’t want a girl that is looking for a wham bam thank you mam
Like to me a shorty who is kind of short
Not a big momma who is way to big for them shorts
Got a big old house that I am sitting alone in
Want to find me a lady who is ready to move in
Kind of like the girl who is a little dark
Not talking about skin talking about around the heart
I like the hours way after dark
Just about midnight I am ready to bark
Like to meet a girl maybe she is a witch
Not looking for that girl who is really a bitch
Like to meet a girl who can shake her ass
Don’t want a girl who doesn’t have any class
Like the girls who are loyal and true
Don’t like the girls who will screw everyone but you
Looking for a lady with a little bit of cash
Not looking for a big momma who is going to support my ass
If you think that maybe this is you
Drop me a line and I will call you


Tuesday, March 3, 2009



i'm not rich
i not supose too drive lol
i have a 10 month old pit
i live in a R.V. behinda used car lot
I'm well travelled i've seen most of the states and some of the world
send pic

Now kittens, this is something that drives your Auntie Jane crazy. Am I fat, or not? I am not a woman of vast proportions, but neither am I a stick insect. Does an extra 20 pounds really disqualify me from throwing my Stevie Nicks-esque top hat in the ring for this foine man? And what does Height/Weight Proportionate really mean? Isn't everyone's idea of physical perfection going to vary? What if I've got a little gut but really excellent legs? AM I GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU THEN, MR. ROCKER?

Aw, screw it. Auntie's gonna go listen to Belladonna and eat some DoubleStuf Oreos.