Monday, June 22, 2009

Dr.Cosmo Getting Real Honest

Darlings...

I know you get fed up with the long, long posts, but sometimes a man is too delicious to pass up. So for this gent, I will highlight what I feel are his most charming utterances for your reading pleasure, and only the most dedicated need read every word. Now, for Dr. Cosmo:


I've been trying this craigslist thing for about two weeks now without much success, trying to be witty, charming, erudite, and just plain strange frankly. SO, I figured I'd just get real and be as honest as I can. I've always said honesty is the best policy, and it's high time I lived up to that.

I really want a mate, my other half, someone who complements my personality type, and I hers. I was faithfully married for 16 years to a woman 11 years older than I, and we recently divorced each other, long after fledging her 3 teens.

I tried another dating site, singlesnet, and got frustrated with being able to "flirt", but not actually getting to talk with someone without paying an enormous fee. When I got email that directed me to several other "free" dating sites, and I got plugged right back into the sign-up page for singlesnet, I got angry and resigned.

Using deception to sell things is just plain wrong. If the sales pitch is hinky, chances are very good the product is as well. And besides, their matching program is flawed, trying to group me with women around my own age, and that just doesn't work for me.

SO, I came across hornymatches, and thought, hmmmmm, well, I can list my preferences, be open about it, and it won't hurt me to say no, and perhaps I might get to say YES! Oh, and the profile pictures are more interesting as well! :) If you found this ad because you saw my hornymatches handle in the header, HI THERE! Now you have a way to reach me without paying an arm and a leg to do anything more than "wink" at me! ;)

There are a surprising number of people like me, wanting a long term relationship, but are frank about the fact that they have a sex drive. They are being honest that it is an important element in wanting a relationship with someone. The whole guy/gal dance is around that central fact, and the rest is just lifestyle preferences, the things that keep you close, or drive you away from that central issue.

Getting real here. I lied on that site. I am NOT 46 as listed, I'm actually 55. I come from a very slow to age and long-lived genetic stock, and when most people learn of my age, they compare me to ordinary people, that are nearly dead, sickly, and used up at my current chronological age, and I'm just getting started! I didn't put my age in the banner, because you might think I was "normal" and too old for you without checking me out first.

I won't start to sag and wrinkle for another 10 or 15 years, and if my ancestors are any indicator of my future, I will live strong and healthy well into my 80's, and begin to wilt in my 90's, if I don't get killed first slamming my motorcycle into a car running a red light, or my reserve parachute fails to open.

Most of my successful long term relationships have been with older women, because women hit their sexual peak at a much later age than guys (and then they decline as their hormones do). I need someone younger than me now, because I'm still horny as hell, I will be for some time to come, and I want kids.

Being older gives me perspective, knowledge, skills, and a more settled emotional structure, that doesn't need to be insecure or jealous. AND I know every sensual spot on a woman, some she doesn't even know exists! Being trained by older women has advantages! :)

My goal is to find and be with my one true love, and if you want to get closer to me, that should be your goal as well. I am willing to take the test drive, you wouldn't buy a car without doing so, why chose a life partner going into it blind?

Facts: I am arrow straight and large, not a porn star monster, but big enough that there are places I can't go now. There are no virgins in my future, I do NOT like to cause pain! Anal is pretty much out of the question as well, just too damn painful for anyone without a medical problem in that area, and NO, I will NOT send you a picture!

I have mastered sexual self-control, and can make love for hours. Well, with a proper amount of alcohol in me, I'm an ordinary minute-man otherwise, so mornings will be "quickies".
I have herpes. I caught it when I was 19 before anyone knew what it was. I don't see it for years in between now, usually because of heavy stress, and/or poor diet. When it recurs, it's just a single itchy spot of reddened skin, with no blisters. I am non-transmissive when not inflamed, determined by an OSHU study that I participated with in the 80's, and I can't catch it from you if you are also HSV positive. 40% of the human race is immune, determined by the fact that you got a cold sore once, probably as a kid, and never again, and you are safe with us unlucky 60% of the 90% of the human race that has been (or will be) exposed (usually oral, same bug, different location).

I am extremely intelligent, energetic, talented, musical, emotional, loving, almost pathologically faithful once in a relationship, dependant, gregarious, empathic (I feel your pleasure, so tripping your trigger, especially when you go full auto, feels VERY good to me!), and very honest when I can be myself around those who accept me as I am.

This has gotten a bit long, so if you want to know more about me, please write. I will quickly scare away anyone not suited for me, but we will know if we are right for each other rather soon, because you will be as intelligent, psychic, ribald, and as fun to be with as I am!

Thanks for exposing yourself to the real me, have a good day now! ;)

Pictures ...My face shot is current (with 15 more lbs. on my frame, now 6'2", 190 lbs), and my new "Space Navy" bean variety, now in garden trials by the Gurney's Seed company.



I'm sure you will agree with me that while that is a LOT of information, we will all feel a frisson on that day when we finally encounter the Space Navy Bean in the produce section.

3 comments:

  1. oh. my. GOD. That's...I'm speechless.

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  2. Myfavorite part is when he goes on and on about his sexual prowess and then nonchalantly adds that he has herpes. And dude, you do seriously look your age, you fucking dummy.

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  3. Say it loud, say it proud, say it with me now:
    T.M.FUCKING.I.

    ReplyDelete