Tuesday, November 24, 2009

person of interest is interested in you - 56 (give attention get attention)

person of interest is interested in you - 56 (give attention get attention)

I am writing to just you. Why? You are the only one here. You are the one funny, smart, nice woman all wrapped up in a Tiffphony box on C/L.
Me? The luckiest guy in the world to spend time
with you.
Gooble. Gooble.
You will see me at the parade. I will be my own float.

1) I have to say, Tiffphony is GENIUS. We all know those women, am I right?

2) Gooble? This just makes me think of turkey time in Gigli. Bleargh.

3) Aren't we all our own floats, really, when it co
mes right down to it?

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Winner, Winner Chicken Dinner

Another lame round-up post, sorry kiddiewinks. School's kicking my butt this term. Anyhoo..

I want to smell you fart - 30

Hi, I am fairly new to the area, attractive guy, 30, and would like to find a fun woman to enjoy time with.

Seriously, dude? That's the best you can do?

38 Years Old Never Kissed a Girl - 39

Looking for a Woman, must be at Least 28 Years old and Less than 50.

Must posses a Mountain Bike or something similar for easy rides up and down the Fire roads of Forest Park.

Must like to have Beer afterwards or enjoy a go
od glass of wine or take a 420 break, it doesn't bother me.

I think I'm gonna need something stronger than a beer.

chrastian man - 41

I like to go to church, I love God. I have jus t finished my first Book it is about about Jesus. I like to ride horses, quads, and spend time out doors. if you like what you see sofar drop me a line.

Honey, sweetie, darlin', don't you think if you're such a good Christian, maybe you should learn how to spell it?

For extra schadenfreude, all these men are from my actual dating pool!

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Gorgeous Man Seeks Ugly Woman

I'm tired of dating beautiful yet shallow women, who only go out with me because I am extremely good-looking.

When I go out for beers with my friends (who are better, more interesting people than I), hot women will approach only me -- never my friends. I'm sick of it. So I resolve to date only ugly women. I don't care if you're fat, handicapped, a burn victim, old, or Puerto-Rican. You just have to have a great personality. Please send a photo so I can be sure you're not a supermodel.

Please respond with UGLY in the subject line so I know you're not a spammer.
Even Puerto Rican girls, huh? Well, that's mighty white of you. Your momma must be so proud.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

And the cat you rode in on!

Fuck you and your pay-per-view pussy!!! - 37 (Prontown)

Seriously! Fucking seriously, I will pay $20 to any live girl that meets me for coffee in any borough of the Portland metro area. That's right, if you're in Oregon city, I'll come to your local coffee shop and pay you 20 fucking dollars just for being a real god damn woman. Hell I'll even buy your god damn skinny hazelnut machiato fucking drink. I am so sick of these fucktard spambots and join my webcam site bitches. Seriously, are there any real women on here? Any??? (over 18 only please)
About time someone recognized my worth as a real god damn woman! Meet me at Peet's in 20....

Monday, September 28, 2009



Ever have those nights when you're home alone, drinking Arbor Mist and going to town with the Ped-Egg while watching The Muppet Show on Youtube? Feel better about yourself now? That's what the internet is for, dearies. Reminding us that no matter how lame we are...there's always someone lamer.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?

Kiddiewinks, today is a banner day. Your Auntie has unearthed some serious li-ter-a-CHURE.

'please read' temptations arise by a hopeless romantic (passionet in oregon)

I never writen a poem befor so please dont laff ok you can if you want to i think its not very good
temptations arise heart aik and pain subsadize
fame and fortune come and go matters of the heart live on we know searching for or soulmates going on many dates lost in this unaverse full of love and pain sometime i think we all go aliitle insane matters of the heart never fade they always stay the same longing for that warm embrace as you slowly touch ones face a gentle kiss to ones lips softly yet passionet as are hearts reach for the moon and are souls see shooting stars two people fall inlove like a soring white dove happyn ess is to bee if only we can see o wont you come to me my princes to be your truly a hopeless romantic
Awww, honey, that's, um, real nice.

just one of my thoughts - 30

LOnely side of the road,back , bent, broken, the sun has taken it's toll,,,, now the clouds cry and weep, to tir ed to get up ,, back on his feet, looks to the sky ask why , no reply clouds just cry , highway lonely place written all over his face , tumble weed blowing in the wind tossed around a gain again, and again, nowhere called home so alone I roam north east south west no direction I like best , so i collapes, lie there coverd with dust ddig me up , was it a treasure you fou nd or just something that grew died feel to the ground,, but still hope that one day his angel will appear tame me far from here , from all the noise , just my angels voice saying , close your eyes my dear , for I am your angel , and I am here............................................................................ any angels out there.....

Whoa there, cowboy, step away from the Precious Moments porn.

A Nubian Queen...

I would like to meet a pretty black female 2 5-35 yrs. old. I think you will find me to be a good looking white guy, and I have have dated black women previously. Enjoy the poem below. Please respond with a pic and I will send mine. Thank you.

Corn rows & mealie silk...
Why do you suffer the look of my eyes
with such intent/ does their brutal blue
inspire you somehow? Why do you
flaunt the curves of your brown body
to the whip of my stare/ does it make you
a star? There's your mind whose soul,
like the singing wind, can never be
possessed/ beauty is no excuse for love/
with crimson and mocha, let's fashion this
union, and bond in a mosaic ampersand/
let my white sea trap the isles of your eyes,
and your sun's vitamin thaw the polar caps
about me/ let's do it now, feeding from
one another, whatever may come.

Ok, she's not quite a queen yet, but may I suggest Princess?
She's a terrific asset, and even has modeling experience!

And srsly, "flaunt the curves of your brown body to the whip of my stare"? Way to creepily fetishize the brutal enslavement of millions, dude.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Sometimes you just make me sad...

Y'all, I went looking for guys tonight. Maybe it's just getting near my Special Princess Time, but all the ads just make me want to cry.

Idiot seeking someone - 20

My name’s Steve. I’m a pathetic little loser with no prospects, no purpose, and no real reason to get up in the morning. I’m looking for a special someone.

Please Someone Like Me - 27

I'm desperate. No woman wants me. I can't really blame them. Please anyone...

to the womans that answered my ad (fishing for tuna)

Ty for all the lovely pictures of the ironing boards but no i don't want to go to another site to see them.No the house does not have a security system or curtains.Why do you think i want you to move in.Please when responding next time include your phone number.I am a pecker not a typer,so it would be easier on my pecker just to call you.Please help me to save my pecker by including your phone number.The house is located in bustling gainsville beside a fish man that will call you sexy names.ty for your reponses and for helping me to save my pecker

By the way, if you image search "tuna pecker" you get about what you'd expect...

Thursday, September 3, 2009

flag all you im still looking - 31

looking for a lady that is ok with me wearring diapersi am looking for a good woman that is ok with me wearring diapers from time to time its not a baby thing just a way for me to relive some stress and a little controll of thise world around me .Iam 31 6.0" short blond brown hair gotee blue eyes around 215# i like doing most of the regular things such as movies camping cuddling on the couch and i can cook real good hopping to find someone that is ok with the way i relive stress if your intrested or have questions i would love to hear from you yes i have a pic and will trade fore yours i didnt post one not every one is ok with this so i try to keep it to myself and the ones that are ok with it

Now, your Auntie cannot deny that she needs to relieve (but not relive, FFS!) some stress from time to time. BUT I DRINK SOME ARBOR MIST AND LOOK AT KITTENS ON THE INTERNET LIKE A NORMAL PERSON!

But I do have to give the adult babies props for having their own gang sign:

need all women size 8 - 38

Need good looking women, in general size 8 in paticular, have like 15 pairs of jeans to sell all major brands levis ect. all perfect condition, 15 bucks a pair, and if you look real good will make you a deal, you can't refuse.bobby

Meth-head and mom jeans? I am all over that. Maybe Bobby can come between me and my Calvins...

Monday, August 31, 2009

Jesus Man - 29 (In the middle of your heart!)

I love Jesus! I love Children, and I love toms! Especially Gray Toms!!!!! Seriously. Jesus is amazing! PTL for Toms, and My life is children. Youth ministry all the way!

Listen, ducks, your Auntie Jane has a confession. I did not have the faintest idea what a Gray Tom was when it was at home. First my mind went, as it so often does, to pussy...

Then to some weird sex act that I couldn't quite picture, possibly involving a sootikin...


But when I couldn't find anything on urbandictionary.com, I heaved my mind out of the gutter and realized it was a shoe.

Thanks for getting me all worked up over nothing, Jesus Man!

Also, while google-imaging for a good Jesus-suffering-the-little-brats figurine, I discovered that you can buy all sorts of goodies for the Jesus Man in your life at My Special Place. Jesus...My Special Place...hmm, haven't seen
The Exorcist in a while...

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Want Your Cure before the New Depression Blues? Try out Country Carl - 45

Want Your Cure before the New Depression Blues? Try out Country Carl

WOMEN I have been through - You can google me up
under COUNTRY CARL or go to CountryCarl dot Com
to see more Photos

You can also use the E-mail address on the Web Site

1) No dunken melancholy drama queens who go to court

2) No sleepless druggies who's friends never leave

3) No more than one small car load of kids

4) No wrecking my car or giant mystery dents

5) No hammering my credit cards

6) No pets that won't be friends

7) No partying while I sleep

8) No chain smokers unless you have a humongous fan

9) No collect calls

10) NO YOU can't go ON The ROAD

YES I'm a singer/songwriter and you don't have to
love my music but it is really a good idea to know some of the lyrics
and the names of a few of the songs.

Ladies, Country Carl is the living embodiment of our cultural zeitgeist. If your Auntie Jane weren't currently so busy with the younguns, she'd be all over this fine recession-proof man. Just listen to his song stylings...

Friday, August 7, 2009

Lasagne As A Lubricant - 52

Let your imagination run wild.......I did it- I said it- I meant it- and I'd do it again.....I am an unabashed pasta-a-phile........To heck with walks on the beach- and holding hands in public...That's a bunch of rubish......I utilize Gods given flavors as a reason to roll over- and pooch your hips up- and take it like an Italian(although I'm full Irish-American)........There are SO many things you can do with a noodle.......You can bake it- baste it- paste it- then masticate it.........Left-overs never had it so good.......So if you want to post your fluffy/sappy/whiney self absorbed diatribes on CL hoping to zero in on your incomplete love-list- along with your pre-conceived notions of what "love" is- and your unrealistic expectations of what it takes to win your affections- simply because you've been given a V-shaped patch of fur- then go right ahead.......But if you're looking for "pasta love" - Then look no further....Nothing says "love" like Lasagne.........And to then willingly- and gleefully attend to each other in this most culinarial manner- is to experience that which has yet to be iterated to the masses.........I hope to be a "beacon for sneakin'"- that which is usually left for the following day - In short - I believe Lasagne has many more utilizations than has ever before been considered.....And so I ask you to consider this - I am yours for the bakin'(I mean- "takin'")..........Anyways - Let no Lasagne be left unbunned.......Nothing feels as tintilating as a smack on the back-side- which has been previously slathered with lasagne.....And with that- I'll leave you to your imagination - I know I've got mine......Your pic will certainly accentuate that which I've just intimated.........Bye for now, Lazarus Latimure Lasagmier

Oooh, baybee... I had a little Italian in me last night, and i wouldn't mind doing it again...

Here's my picture:

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Awww. Mr. Douchebag!

BRIGHT EYES is giving me a headache-Aritst Wants Muse (Studio of Art)

'Let's Get Lost' ~Chet Baker

This is for the Females who Know...nuff said...

I have been posting on the 'Men Seeking Women' CL for quite some time. But, I have finally figured out what type of woman that I want. I have tried the serious approach and the humorous side of things. I'm throwing out the humor for the serious (for this post). You and I will live the NYC, SAN FRAN, PARIS, BERLIN lifestyle to the tenth degree. How does that sound? Good? Good!

You must be into the ARTS, and you will have that chic/hip/styish vibe going on...like Shannyn Sossoman, Sade, Audrey, Lisa Bonet (post Cosby), and of course part skater chick, part sosphistication. I DON'T want the 'white trash' getting lost thing, I'm too much of a snob for that (my own kind of snobbery). It's the Drugstore Cowboy, My Own Private Idaho, Midnight Cowboy type vibe going on here. Existential, Philosophical, with wit and Intelligence and beauty thrown into one big MAD ride.

Thrift store chic, with Highbrow ideals and ideas. You with me so far? If you're the 'right' chick, you know what I'm talking about. You have seen it in the Foreigin/Indie Films, or have lived it, or fantasized about living it. BUT, this is NO fantasy, this will be real. Do you want to get 'LOST?'

Think of The Cure's 'Pornography' album, Christian Death's first album, the Doors first album, The Swans, and the Velvet Underground. And we'll throw in some Miles, Parker, Coltrane, Massive Attack, Ambient Groove etc.

Intimacy is a must for this relationship to work. Intimacy in the way of trust, loyalty, sincerity, and empathy.

It's not about the next fix, it's about reaching the ethereal heights that THIS life has to offer. BLISS...without Heaven. Back to the womb. Go back to the water where we came from...

This is not the hippie way, this is the Hardcore way. Hardcore Ivy League with Street smarts.

Hi, Mr Douchebag! Good to see you again! Still no luck finding the model/muse/genius with no critical thinking skills of your dreams? I'm sorry, baby. I'll say a little prayer for you the next time I'm in the adorably freckled arms of my 24 year old Spanish/Norwegian banker loooovair...kiss kiss!

Monday, June 22, 2009

Dr.Cosmo Getting Real Honest


I know you get fed up with the long, long posts, but sometimes a man is too delicious to pass up. So for this gent, I will highlight what I feel are his most charming utterances for your reading pleasure, and only the most dedicated need read every word. Now, for Dr. Cosmo:

I've been trying this craigslist thing for about two weeks now without much success, trying to be witty, charming, erudite, and just plain strange frankly. SO, I figured I'd just get real and be as honest as I can. I've always said honesty is the best policy, and it's high time I lived up to that.

I really want a mate, my other half, someone who complements my personality type, and I hers. I was faithfully married for 16 years to a woman 11 years older than I, and we recently divorced each other, long after fledging her 3 teens.

I tried another dating site, singlesnet, and got frustrated with being able to "flirt", but not actually getting to talk with someone without paying an enormous fee. When I got email that directed me to several other "free" dating sites, and I got plugged right back into the sign-up page for singlesnet, I got angry and resigned.

Using deception to sell things is just plain wrong. If the sales pitch is hinky, chances are very good the product is as well. And besides, their matching program is flawed, trying to group me with women around my own age, and that just doesn't work for me.

SO, I came across hornymatches, and thought, hmmmmm, well, I can list my preferences, be open about it, and it won't hurt me to say no, and perhaps I might get to say YES! Oh, and the profile pictures are more interesting as well! :) If you found this ad because you saw my hornymatches handle in the header, HI THERE! Now you have a way to reach me without paying an arm and a leg to do anything more than "wink" at me! ;)

There are a surprising number of people like me, wanting a long term relationship, but are frank about the fact that they have a sex drive. They are being honest that it is an important element in wanting a relationship with someone. The whole guy/gal dance is around that central fact, and the rest is just lifestyle preferences, the things that keep you close, or drive you away from that central issue.

Getting real here. I lied on that site. I am NOT 46 as listed, I'm actually 55. I come from a very slow to age and long-lived genetic stock, and when most people learn of my age, they compare me to ordinary people, that are nearly dead, sickly, and used up at my current chronological age, and I'm just getting started! I didn't put my age in the banner, because you might think I was "normal" and too old for you without checking me out first.

I won't start to sag and wrinkle for another 10 or 15 years, and if my ancestors are any indicator of my future, I will live strong and healthy well into my 80's, and begin to wilt in my 90's, if I don't get killed first slamming my motorcycle into a car running a red light, or my reserve parachute fails to open.

Most of my successful long term relationships have been with older women, because women hit their sexual peak at a much later age than guys (and then they decline as their hormones do). I need someone younger than me now, because I'm still horny as hell, I will be for some time to come, and I want kids.

Being older gives me perspective, knowledge, skills, and a more settled emotional structure, that doesn't need to be insecure or jealous. AND I know every sensual spot on a woman, some she doesn't even know exists! Being trained by older women has advantages! :)

My goal is to find and be with my one true love, and if you want to get closer to me, that should be your goal as well. I am willing to take the test drive, you wouldn't buy a car without doing so, why chose a life partner going into it blind?

Facts: I am arrow straight and large, not a porn star monster, but big enough that there are places I can't go now. There are no virgins in my future, I do NOT like to cause pain! Anal is pretty much out of the question as well, just too damn painful for anyone without a medical problem in that area, and NO, I will NOT send you a picture!

I have mastered sexual self-control, and can make love for hours. Well, with a proper amount of alcohol in me, I'm an ordinary minute-man otherwise, so mornings will be "quickies".
I have herpes. I caught it when I was 19 before anyone knew what it was. I don't see it for years in between now, usually because of heavy stress, and/or poor diet. When it recurs, it's just a single itchy spot of reddened skin, with no blisters. I am non-transmissive when not inflamed, determined by an OSHU study that I participated with in the 80's, and I can't catch it from you if you are also HSV positive. 40% of the human race is immune, determined by the fact that you got a cold sore once, probably as a kid, and never again, and you are safe with us unlucky 60% of the 90% of the human race that has been (or will be) exposed (usually oral, same bug, different location).

I am extremely intelligent, energetic, talented, musical, emotional, loving, almost pathologically faithful once in a relationship, dependant, gregarious, empathic (I feel your pleasure, so tripping your trigger, especially when you go full auto, feels VERY good to me!), and very honest when I can be myself around those who accept me as I am.

This has gotten a bit long, so if you want to know more about me, please write. I will quickly scare away anyone not suited for me, but we will know if we are right for each other rather soon, because you will be as intelligent, psychic, ribald, and as fun to be with as I am!

Thanks for exposing yourself to the real me, have a good day now! ;)

Pictures ...My face shot is current (with 15 more lbs. on my frame, now 6'2", 190 lbs), and my new "Space Navy" bean variety, now in garden trials by the Gurney's Seed company.

I'm sure you will agree with me that while that is a LOT of information, we will all feel a frisson on that day when we finally encounter the Space Navy Bean in the produce section.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Real genius needs help...

Real genius needs help...

I am...

I admit it. I don't know everything, but I know this --- I am a creative genius.

I am stolen from all the time. (If there is anything that I owe, it is for finally having to deal directly with this.)

Believe it or not, I also used to be a model.

Bottom line --- I need someone to lie to me and tell me everything is going to be O.K. (while I'm making it o.k.)

I can also make you o.k. --- I swear it...

You'll never know anyone else like me, for now; and in the future, I'll need you to say "I knew the original". This is no "LTR", once I know of you, I don't forget. You may not know what that means, but - I - won't forget.

My intentions are to provide you a safe life experience, meaning most all exit strategies are calculated. These are decidedly more acceptable than never knowing our world as I imagine.

I will be honest with you.
I will provide you future relationships no one has even invented yet.

Please contact me, and “we'll” plan --- I see a board game, and one of those loose, rough voluntary agreements to refer one another amongst our friends, until we're satisfied…?

A sense of adventure and good looks required.

Do you want to play??

Now, my little hedgehogs, we can all agree that Auntie Jane is an adventurous kind of girl. I'll admit, it's quite intriguing to think of a man who can make everything o.k. and provide me with experiences I never dreamed of. And a safe life experience! Well, that just sounds so cozy and reassuring!

And yet, some faint, far-off alarm bells are ringing in my head....Sigh, what to do?

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Looking for a nice girl for my very shy son

Looking for a nice girl for my very shy son

(SPAMMERS WILL BE DELETED W/O BEING READ) I was hoping there is a nice S/W/F girl out there who would be willing to meet up with my son. He is extremely shy and I know he will not do this on his own. He is 23 years old, 5'10 180 N/s social drinker only and works out every day. He has a regular job and his own place but stays very much to himself because he basically grew up with a father/ man image in his life. If you are a kind and gentle female who is looking for a guy who doesn't only have one thing in mind (lol) like most men do, and would like to meet a quiet, kind, thoughtful guy who likes to take his dogs to the park, bowl, just have fun, etc. then let me know and I will share more info with you and his pictures. I would like to know your stats too and also see a picture of you. I was hoping to find someone by 4th of July weekend so that maybe my husband and I and the two of you can all spend the weekend together doing something fun like taking a ride to the mountains or beach and bike ride or raft, camp etc... This is real, so you be too. and let me know if this sounds interesting to you... He doesn't know i am doing this so we will introduce you as a daughter of my new husbands friend and he won't know this is how we found you.

Yeah. That doesn't sound creepy at all...

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Daughter wanted - m4w - 60

Daughter wanted - m4w - 60

At this point in life I would like to create a legacy to leave on Earth.

After 20 years of working to improve my health and those around me..(great success with myself but little success with others).

10 years of working to improve the world - environment, socially, emotionally.

What I want to do is create with a young woman a paradise on 2.5 acres preferable surrounded by like minded people in a community. A small house, two (maybe cob) a garden, a woodlands, a fruit orchard, green fence, green house etc. The woman (you?) can use the property to attract a prince and start a family. Me, I get to live out my life on the land and be naturally buried on the land (perhaps be reincarnated as a descendant of you and your prince.)

Sound strange - just please move on.

Sound intriguing please read the ringing cedar series of
Anastasia books.

If this resonants with you please respond with how this idea resonants with you.

Thank you.

As our beloved Plumcake recently said, "Princesses are real estate deals with ovaries attached." Ok, being a princess usually means owning a bitchin' tiara, but dang. Is it really worth it to be trapped out in BFE with a creepy old dude?

Ok, maybe in this economy...

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Mail Order Bride wanted

Mail Order Bride wanted- 47

Seeking younger woman (age 20 or so) with one daughter (age two or so). Is ok to want more kids as I love kids. Divorced very nice business owner seeks a life again after wife left (after 23 years and three kids) for greener pastures. Large comfy home and very stable environment in the suburbs for the little one. Club membership with pool year round, summer local pool access and way more. Two High School boys at home ages 14 and 16 - great kids. Please message me if you are around the age (give or take) that I seek and willing to be a faithful wife. I always wanted a girl but got all boys. Slender to average is preferred - no heavyweights. This is available RIGHT NOW. Hope to hear from you soon - picture appreciated.

Um. Weirdly specific much? Auntie's a little creeped out now. Let's you and me go to a happier place.

Oh yeah. That's better.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

I post a lot not munipulate or hard-up

I post a lot not munipulate or hard-up I am just a good guy, for real - 53

Yes i can imagine the trash male and female which comes across the internet
And it hurts good guys such as my self an old army veteran who served
for a free nation

People are and must be cautious of the stuff which is out there in internet

I am however a for real person

You know 30 years ago if you said hello ladies call me and lets go do coffee the phone
would be ringing of the table

Or if you said you were as friendly and had a heart as big as Hoss Cartwright who
played on the Western Bananza, those return emails would be zipping right through the
OLE personal computers

But now days It is 360 degrees different people blocking you, people saying I am
not interested

It is just amazing how the internet system has changed and how it has really
gotten very difficult to meet new friends via the PC

But i must drive on and persue the opportunity to meet new friends now that
i have relocated to the west coast here in vancouver, washington

so here goes

Hello there

My name is Steve Miller from Vancouver, and I do live in Vancouver and I am 53 years old with a birthday of Feb 22.

I am not afraid to leave you with my phone number (edited, 'cause

I am armed forces retired and I am a blue collar worker in Portland (local truck driver)refered to a transfer driver where I take a rent-a-truck or tractor to a customer or another rent-a-truck branch.

It is day shift unless I go on a over nighter, ususally have weekends off, pretty good gig for a army retired guy.

I am built like Hoss Cartwright from the western bananza
probably have more hair on top and I wear a ball cap where he wore a cowboy hat; however the build is the same so if you can not remember what Hoss Looked Like then ask a friend or you could watch a re-run smile lol.

I wear my hair short by choice and have no beard or mustache
by choice and I am a blue jean and pull over or front up button shirt, loafer wearing guy.

I am Low Keyed, spontanious, good listener, but bad eye contact
type of guy, but working on it

I do like doing most of the basics.

I do not abuse alcohol and do not smoke cigerettes or dope, but please feel free to smoke around me but please do not smoke dope around me, but that does not disqualifie you as a new friend if you do smoke pot I know many our age do.

I at 53 like to cuddle, hold hands and sit across from you at the coffee shopand talk and cut up.

I was born in Vancouver and was away for 33 years and came back to be nearer my 81 year old mother I don't live with her
I have a place of my own but that is why I relocated from the south back hear to where I was born.

Please feel free to keep in contact and add me as a friend

Thanks Steve Miller Vancouver

Ok, y'all, I know it's not real likely to be THE Steve Miller, since this dude claims not to be a midnight toker. But your Auntie Jane's gonna give him a call just in case. And if it is him, she's gonna take the money and run. Woo woo woo.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Need the help from a Very Attractive Female

Need the help from a Very Attractive Female

My wife of almost 20 years has decided that she no longers wants to be married. We have 3 sons and she has run off to sow her wild oats. However we both have face book accounts and she is still listed as my friend. What I am looking for is a Beautiful woman who would be willing to invite me to be your friend on facebook so when my, what ever you would like to refer to her as, (she thinks she is a cougar) looks at my friend list she sees you and wonders who you are. If you are not willing to do this I understand but I would love for her to think that it took me no time at all to find a women that was more Beautiful than her.

I am waiting for your response with a picture

Oh, this modern love, with the Facebook and the Twitter and the Sexting and that thing with the person...oh, that monkey's gonna pay.

Ahem. Never fear, Auntie is here to help. This is the lovely Vera Krasikova. She is 25 and lives in Kiev. She is also single! Perhaps you can write to her, c/o the E-Russian Bridess Agency, and suggest that she will reach a larger volume of eligible American men with a Facebook account. It's a win-win situation for both of you!

Thursday, April 23, 2009

obedient boy needs Female Cannibal

obedient boy needs Female Cannibal obedient trained slave boy NEEDS Woman into control and with a Cannibal fetish. I am serious and will send pics. 5'10" 155lbs No Limits No outs

Auntie would like to know- does this mean that unlike most men, he WANTS you to bite him there?

Thursday, April 16, 2009

We hear from the Villain himself!

I am the person who originally posted the this ad: http://seethatguy.blogspot.com/2009/02/villain-seeks-willing-damsel-in.html#comments on Chicago Craigslist. I periodically do a search to see if anyone on there has the audacious lack of imagination to plagiarize my postings and claim them as their own (which has happened before, and I am self-contentedly narcissistic enough to be curious as to who might be lame enough to do so). Imagine my amusement when my Internet inquiry turned up your blog, with my words and photo displayed upon it. Very droll!
However, I must take exception to attributing to me in your comment a fondness for a hack like Anne Rice (A. N. Roquelaure) or Ayn Rand (who I find mostly pretentious, although a much better wordsmith than Rice). Please, give me some credit!
At the very least, my posting made for a much more entertaining read than the crap clown poster http://seethatguy.blogspot.com/2009/01/okthats-it.html#comments and I my photo was more pleasing to they eye than THIS: http://seethatguy.blogspot.com/2009/01/fat-hairy-loves-guns.html .
Incidentally, whether it was what I wrote, or what they saw in my photo, the response to that posting was phenomenal—more than 300 respondents total. Of course, most of them had imaginations that far exceeded their tolerance, but I can afford to be selective given how I compare to the rest of the CL pickings (see, I said I was narcissistic, didn't I?).
Anyway, I was bored enough to take a break from my paying writing to indulge in some that is entirely frivolous to respond to your enshrinement of my Craigslist immortality. Be careful out there in the electronic wasteland; there are some weird ones lurking about, to be sure!

And this, my sparkling dewdrops, is why your Auntie loves the internets. People listen to what I say! It's hard to get such rapt attention in real life, at least until I hike up The Girls.

Darling Mr. Villain, Auntie Jane is so glad to hear that the ad is working for you. More tail for all!

Monday, April 13, 2009

And Now For Something Completely Different

And Now For Something Completely Different

Okay I,m not looking for gypsies tramp,s or thief,s,hooker,s or women with fetishes or in any cult,or in committed or uncommitted relationship,s.I don,t except g or hot mail,Im only interested in an honest person that I can truly trust and expects the same. So, let,s start with I,m not working,I,don,t drive and I,do live with my aunt.Leagally I,m licensed to cut&style hair in Texas.Now I, know somewhere out there saying is this cat for real? All I,can say is MEOW so ,any takers or talker,s out there?Remember "The truth will set you free" "WARNING";side effect,s may include romance,with spontanious multigasm,s in rare case,s ,and LTR is possible

You're right- living with your aunt is completely different. Most guys live with their mom.

On the other hand, Auntie could use a new cut and curl...

a differant approach

a differant approach

this is stuff i dislike

fashion, razors, steak, crowded beaches, bling, these fake holidays that are centered on fairytales, grammer, bars, all three of my dads, conclusions, those with one set of eyes that never try someone elses boots on,

this is stuff i like

ipods, combination beverages, playing games, the woods, my moms dogs, kissing necks, fruit(its so sexy) and maybe you

This is stuff I'm never gonna understand

speling, why noone ansers me

Friday, April 10, 2009

eyebrows and other things

eyebrows and other things

this is to all women out there. please stop messing up your face by screwing with your eye brows. Im not talking about neglecting your unibrow or the stray hairs but stop treating them like a bonsai tree. If you are drawing crap onto them its so far from right its hopeless to talk about. Im not trying to be funny. myself and any of my friends that dont have a hooker fetish agree, it makes you look nasty. Im not a bad looking person, Im just a dude on a rant. So please, for all the is good and holy, stop it. The picture is to the extreme. somewhat natural eyebrows are better. it doesnt look right when you do weird crap. my apologies if this picture is you. For the use of it and for your eyebrows. email me with questions if you feel the need. But if you are wondering then its probably because they are indeed messed up

some people are wondering why this is up again, well its because I got some emails. Looks like I need to clarify a few points. Yes, the hair above the lip area looks kinda like a eyebrow, but I wasnt including it. Shave the stache, wax, lazer, do what you gotta do. despite the fact that us guys think mustaches are rad on us you ladies hate them. So you can imagine its even worse when you're sporting one. Hair under the pits. Some guys might have a yeti fetish, who knows. Yes im leaving another zone out on purpose. So no emails are needed about that

normal slightly maintained eyebrows=good
drawn on nasty=treason against jesus-(nearly as bad as the snuggy. you dont want to get me started)

Dude has a point. Bad eyebrows are one of your Auntie's pet peeves as well, particularly the ones that look like sperms. Auntie Jane is an open-minded girl, but if you like the sperms on your forehead, she doesn't want to know about it.

More regrettable eyebrows here.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

part sir walter raleigh part six mix a lot

part sir walter raleigh part six mix a lot - 55 (I would be your shadow)

Wednesday child is full of street drugs. Joe King.
I have had a nice run of late. I have started emailing with a seriously nice woman. I knew that this would work. Only took five months. Who cares. It happened.
She was able to choke down my being a bed wetting mama's boy, and having been in an abusive relationship with my inner child.
She does not care that I am devoid of rudimentary spelling skills, and voted for Nixon once.
I hope that you will be able to trade down, and have your reality check cashed, by the non imaginery lumberjack, that you dream about. He does not exist. I do.
I digress. I wish you the best in your search for suitable dolt companionship.
My beloved to be, emailed me the best set of adjectives, and nouns, this horse sick cowboy could want. Hey, you can be the funny one, you can be the smart
one, you could be the big purse, but, my future love interest is the available "one". So, beware the ides of April. Keep those responses coming.
The funny smart nice guy has found true like in cyberspace. She does not want to see the bald guy with glasses/mustache picture.

Remember when Shatner covered Tambourine Man? And he made it sound really creepy, like if the tambourine man didn't sing any more, he'd find Bill Shatner in his crawl space, fondling a butcher knife and one of Mrs. Tambourine Man's nighties?

That's how this guy sounds.


Saturday, April 4, 2009

Repressed Female Psychology Majors

Repressed Female Psychology Majors

It began as alter boys visiting first Milwaukee Braves game with Knot Hole Club, in Milwaukee. Father Vujnovich popped for tickets and peanuts, (we had to steal our own beer). I got Shell Shock from the peanuts and it lasted until college. What cured me was attending my freshman psychology class in deviant behavior at Wisconsin in Mad City. With me as the exception the entire class was female, all very attractive! The Prof had been tossed out of Berkeley by then Gov. Ronald Reagan. A number of the women were from the Chicago burbs (lots of New Trier sweatshirts). Professor Pravda would bring standing ovations and the girls to outright orgasmic psychosis. With the opportunity to explain my shell-shock episode a number of women (feeling empathy), Irish Catholic and Jewish, (feeling guilt) wished to try various therapy methods (Humanistic, Imago, Rhythm). I was eventually cured, however could identify with Christopher Jones in "Three in the attic". I have been celibate for this entire millenium and the shell-shock has returned following a wet dream sequence.
Looking to hook up for coffee, analysis or LTR for those interested in Dissertations.
Prof Pravda never paid taxes and is now an appointee in Obama Adm. Angie, lobotomized, works for D.N.C. Carmon, Tried to patent gonja-institutionalized, watches Daffy Duck all day.
Zelda-Headed up local S.D.S. Claudia, after 12 kids by 12 radicals joined Vassar faculty and invented birth control method. Libby, owned Palmer House. Candy, worked Mustang Ranch.
Susan, started alcohol and drug re-hab center in Highwood Ill. after much experience sample testing. Janet, became a capitalist and fine Republican, (my favorite).

Oh my stars and garters! Clearly, your auntie has not partaken of enough psychedelics to understand this ad. Pass the windowpane, please.

Thursday, April 2, 2009




Now, my sweet potatoes, I want to make sure you know that your Auntie Jane is 100% what the kids these days call "queer positive". I fully support the right of all consenting adults to do whatever the hell they want to each other as long as it doesn't involve children, animals or clowns. Having said that...


Wednesday, April 1, 2009

again i like girl from russija

again i like girl from russija

Please l realy like girl from rusija becouze l speak po russki very good.I have god jobs and i look good.I need somebady for frend for go out like diner just for fun,maybe more.Thanks

My little peach blossoms, your Auntie Jane used to work with a young man from Kazakhstan. He did indeed sound just like Borat, but he smelled much better. He was a charming man who greeted everyone with a hearty slap on the keister, and he used to tell me lovely stories about his past.

"When Vladimir was young, go to school in Leningrad, all the time drink, drink drink. Very bad. Now Vladimir is good boy, do not drink or smoke tobacco, go to church on Sunday. This time, when was young, I did meet mayor's wife. We drink many bottles champagne. Hee hee hee, oh, was very bad. We have such fun."

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Some women will prefer this.

Some women will prefer this.

Because America's laws prohibit polygamy, I would like to share my life with you 2 to 3 other women in a loving, contractually committed (but not married) way. The women too will be fellow partners (sisters) in this relationship based on a healthy ranch lifestyle. (By the way, I am not a Mormon although I have studied and respect the religion. I also love literature and the arts.)
Please send me a short bio and a picture – or if you prefer, an email to initiate further conversation. I would prefer a woman with a college degree and\or some vocational/college training. Although this is not my present objective, any children that are born from this union will live a safe Montana Ranch lifestyle. Please feel free to respond if you are between 20 to 28 years old (I am 30). (But don’t respond if you have a husband or are connected with some sort of sex ad or business; you will be just wasting your time.) By the way the number of women is not an issue with me; I am looking for someone who shares similar passions and interests and with whom I can emotionally connect. Any addition members would need to meet with the approval of the others – and have a fun-loving nature.
By the way my interest would be properly defined as Polyamory:
Polyamory (from Greek πολύ [poly, meaning many or several] and Latin amor [literally “love”]) is the desire, practice, or acceptance of having more than one loving, intimate relationship at a time with the full knowledge and consent of everyone involved. The term polyamory is sometimes abbreviated to poly, and is sometimes described as consensual, ethical, or responsible non-monogamy. (from Wikipedia)

Oh, Glory Be! For years I have been harboring a shameful secret: my Little House on the Prairie fetish. The long, silky hair, the calico dresses, the scent of hay, the warm, firm feel of a cow's teat in my eager hand...swoon...


My little apple blossoms, such fun we shall have!

Monday, March 30, 2009

...someone 'Happy'. ...someone 'In-Touch'. ...someone 'Cool' ...

...someone 'Happy'. ...someone 'In-Touch'. ...someone 'Cool' ...

someone ...'CAFFEINE-ADDICTED-FREE'. someone ...Clean, White, NOT-Fat, Pretty, Brushes-Teeth, O-K-Body, Understands-...'Caffeine'/very-important. ...Understands ...Health and has Happy-Pretty-Feet. ...You'll ...likes Pets, Outdoors, Creeks, Redwoods, Bicycles, and ...Motorcycles, too. ...Herb is Understood, and You look Cute/Pretty and/or ...Nice. YOU will have a Brain that Work-Well w/Cooking/Bar-b-q-ing, Hiking, and ...Producing-Babies, if Posssible. 'Get-Back-to-Me' w/Phone-Call, Love, E-mail or Other. ...and for No-Reason-at-All, I'll get You my ...'Web-Site-Address'. ...It relates to the ...TOTAL-ABSOLUTE-DESTRUCTION of CAFFEINE. ...'VIEW-DAILY'. ...Love; Steve

Wait, how am I supposed to stay "NOT-Fat" if I'm smoking herb and not drinking coffee? Seriously, that's a recipe for sitting on the couch all day eating Cheetos dipped in Nutella and watching Aqua Teen Hunger Force. I just don't see how "Brain that Work-Well w/Cooking/Bar-b-q-ing, Hiking" is possible under those conditions.

Plus, why is Steve so afraid of coffee? Maybe his sadistic parents hung this picture across from his bed:

Sunday, March 29, 2009

best guy on creags list number 1

best guy on creags list number 1

just like the title im the best fuck the rest u want to meet a reel guy give me a holla im up for anything crazy im blonde blue eyes 5,10 i love the laddeis new to town and need to find some love and a good relationship

and, uh, if u got a meth hookup that wud be sweet

Saturday, March 28, 2009

its wierd, but im serious....

its wierd, but im serious....

i have this thing that i'm itching to try again ..im sitting here wanting someone to let me do something a little out of the ordinary someone to let me put my nose on their tongue (nothing gross and no surprises) just literally that. just stick your tongue as far to your chin as you can and let me lay my nose on it for 10 seconds.....simple right? i guess there really isn't a reason for me doing this except i just like to do it and always have liked it.

Ummm...ok...it's not often that Auntie Jane is stumped, but dang! How is this sexy?

Is it the feel of all the little tastebuds, like tiny pleasure nubbins? Is it the scent of the tongue, so evocative that you begin to imagine you can smell your partner's thoughts before she voices them? Is it the thought that in all probability, NO MAN HAS DONE THIS TO HER BEFORE?

All right! You've talked me into it! Does it help that I can touch my nose with my tongue? Auntie will lick your nose Gene Simmons style, baby.

Friday, March 27, 2009

Homeless man with cute dog and internet seeks woman

Homeless man with cute dog and internet seeks woman - 27 (under 183 and burnet)

So here i am... wandering the streets of austin. just me and my super cute fluffy dog. my girlfriend gave me the boot because she was sick of me harassing her about her drunken lifestyle. im told its none of my business where she stayed the night before... over and over and over. oh well... id rather be homeless with dignity than sleeping in a warm bed with a whore. dont you agree? so... will trade affection for shelter. so long as you actually appreciate it.

Tip from your Auntie Jane- this kind of thing works a lot better for chicks. Trust your Auntie, darlings. She knows.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

i wish i can meeet that special lady

i wish i can meeet that special lady who can still my heart

i just on here looking for lady i be friends with im down earh man with no kids dont play games im not looking to hook up with stripers if u a stripers dont read this meesage its not for u ll real ladies my ideal date be going out to dinner

Attention all personnel! This patient is a DNR! Do not restart his heart under any circumstances! If you are a special lady, (I'm looking at you, Nurse Renee!) you may even take it upon yourself to still his heart.

But stay away, you pernicious candy stripers! Your winsome good cheer and wheedling, cookie-distributing ways are not welcome here!

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

WhErE u BeEn aLL mY LiFe??

WhErE u BeEn aLL mY LiFe?? - 27

What's up LaDieZ.. first let me tell you this is kinda wierd for me, i have never done anything like this before, and its not like i can't find anyone on my own.. but to be honest i just got out off a long relationship and haven't really have much time to get back into the dateing game, I have a really good job, a nice car, and heading back to school soon.. guess da person i'm looking for isn't much , just a down to earth person i can relate to and have fun with..i play almost every sport,(basketball,football,tennis.ect.) and very much an outdoor person, (Fishing,hiking,camping..ect).. currently i'm coaching a basketball team..i'm down for coffee or a quick lunch... just hit me up..Peace =)

WhErE i BeEn? eviDeNtlY I bEeN wOefUlLy NeGleCtIn mAh SHifT KeY.

(Good Lord, that's exhausting. How DO you young folks do it? Maybe it's easier when you been smokin' the shards.)

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Tears of a Clown / Why not date a Clown

Tears of a Clown / Why not date a Clown - 50 (Laugh Town U.S.A)

My profession is a clown. A very good, fun type of clown. One that will make you laugh, when your down. When you fall, I"ll be around. When no one is around to depend, Guess who's around to be your friend. My looks won't get me far. But, you won't see this clown in a Bar! I can dance the night away, with you in my arms. For I am Irish, your Lucky Charms. M .I., getting corning. Or What! What is a Clown to do. But be a servant to you! Some times people say! Your not! A Clown! Your some body's Fool! If that ture, Why not let me date you! Tears of a Clown! Note: I really am a Clown! The whole get up! Bewared! Well!.... I got to go now. It's time for me to go out and make a smile today, toinight, and every time you see me. Soooooo....... Please be nice to a clown. And if you need some Money!......... (Forget it!) I'm not that funny. Ha! Ha! Ha! #?<>..... My Photo will be posted as soon as I get it back from the (Presendent of the United States) Last time I was There trying to be funny! See you around. Keep a Simle on your face, it's not that bad. Enjoy your self, and of course with a clown. Have Fun and Great! DaY! Blow your horn At me! To Say "Hi" Your friend the Clown.

Just when I think life can't get any scarier, THINGS LIKE THIS HAPPEN. "getting corning" WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? I'M AFRAID TO LOOK IT UP ON URBAN DICTIONARY.

Friday, March 20, 2009

The am I fit test

The am I fit test ( Man uf sea)

4 a job on a fishing boat R u in shape Run /ski /kayak/bike /hike sure? Kan u cook? from scratch! Alaska ever been Mend Net? Ever Pan Gold? How OLd Do u hit the deck running easy on the eyes ever c a fish?

Why yes, I have seen a few fish in my time...

Wednesday, March 18, 2009



I truly believe that when the 2 right people meet magic happens - life becomes exhilarating and happiness can almost be held in the hands and tasted. I am looking for a lady who wants for a happy LTR. I am a rare breed, no arrogance implied, I'm just different and that could be good or bad for you. You'll learn some basics about me by reviewing the outline of the girl I seek. You must be grounded, down to earth, stable, dependable, consistent, good sense of humor, committed to your man, on the quite side and maybe a bit shy at first but still fun with good communication skills - well balanced is a good description. No smoke, no or social drinker, no drugs, no stds, no children (I love kids but I want for freedom to enjoy our life, travel etc.), healthy & fit, not overweight, 28ish to 38ish, moderate or conservative (no libs need apply), likes many indoor activities ;) --- and outdoor activities, not crazy with religion, submissive nature with old fashioned values yet open minded and adventurous and really focused on a meeting the man you want to spend the rest of your life with. If you write me you'll get nothing but the truth and I expect the same. Been divorced 11 years - I want to share my life with a great partner. Please respond with a pic if you have one.


Oh, wait... " No smoke, no or social drinker, no drugs "

Well, crap. Now what am I supposed to do with these donkeys?