Thursday, February 26, 2009

Asian coolege proffesor

Asian coolege proffesor=seek=Asian female frioend==

Hi Asian girls, I am Asian man-
I am educated but not regulated. I am looking for Asian females for date and like to park my trailer on some ones lot for rent. I am an ex-physician and living happily in Burien Seattle. I am graduate of University Of Washington and only 37-looking to go to businesses like Laxative Clinic and Truck Taxi Company. I can educate and elevate Asians that only they are my friend. I hang out at this Gyro restaurant, and like to have a date with you any place ant time?
I am seeking work as a college Math tour, and like Asian girls for serious relationships.
for more information can do you good?
I am good looking and like to lunch with some one- I have many more plans like to share-

Darlings. your Auntie is very confused by this man, and is trying not to picture what a combination Laxative Clinic and Truck Taxi Company would look like. I will, however, be referring to myself as "educated but not regulated" whenever possible from now on. Peace out.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

THE most interesting MAN in the WORLD

So interesting that we're seeing him twice! The Lonely Douchebag is back, and this time he brought art!

THE most interesting MAN in the WORLD (pt.2) (ART STUDIO) most likely NOT me, haha....but here's a few things about Moi. I love pizza, ART, whiskey, Ranch Dressing, and Tuna with Red Apple chunks in it. I hate hummus, diet anything, WENDYS, and guacamole. I suffer from severe insomnia. I am better at arguing than you (not true). You are better at dancing than me. I can't sing for shit (not true either). I am quite Handsome *The 'infamous' baffled look* There is nothing sexier than great conversation. I'd rather try to get smoke inside of a glass bottle using a baseball bat than listen to someone complain. I believe in treating people how you want to be treated. I am a HUGE Shannyn Sossamon fan. I brush my teeth with hot water. I am a sucker for motivational quotes. Going to church doesn't make you any more a Christian than going to the garage makes you a car. I don't watch too much tv. I love seafood, but if it has tentacles, even more so. I grind my teeth when I get nervous. I dont give third chances. I can slam a revolving door. I adore Kind People. Saying "thank you" and "please" is extremely important. I pretty much live for, Art, Music and Comedy. If you let your friends drive drunk, you have no soul. I think shit-talking on the internet is about as useful as trying to kill an elephant by throwing a tic tac at it. I WILL beat you at the stare down game. I love grapefruit flavored anything. Laughter can cure more than you think. The 'new mullet' is the dude with the shaved head, goatee, and a tattoo sleeve--simple as that. Period. Screamo type music just DOES. Spell check is one of the best inventions next to the wheel. I can give a better Blue Steel than Zoolander. I have a strange obsession with people who would add Tila Tequila as a friend. If you have a "metal mulisha" or "Kottonmouth Kings" sticker on the back of your lifted truck, you have NOTHING to say that I could possibly be interested in. I dislike ignorance. I wish I could use the 'I'm invisible' mind trick on people. The "25 year old balding/comb over jacuzzi mcdougal", and the "Drunk white girl who can't dance" are the best people to stare at while at a club. Money doesn't impress me. I love browsing CL, because it makes me chuckle. Songs are more important than bands. I wonder if the Devil listens to shitty bands/rappers like 50 Cent, Rolling Stones (since 1977), or U2 (since 1987). Shannyn Sossamon needs to marry me. There will never be another Johnny Cash or Elvis (good on the Elvis one). Can't believe you just read all of my rambling=THANK YOU!.............Message me with a photo...or NOT!


They look like big, good, strong hands, don't they... I always thought that's what they were."

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Villain seeks willing damsel in distress

Villain seeks willing damsel in distress, 18–30 - 38 (The deep, dark North Side)

I have always identified with the antiheros who matched wits with the boring do-gooders in the books I read, the movies I saw, and the television shows I watched, even as a child. From a very early age, it aroused me fiercely when the dastardly scoundrel would get the lovely heroine in his clutches, chuckling evilly and rubbing his hands in wicked anticipation. Even better when she would be tied up, whether over railroad tracks, gagged and thrust into a car trunk, or strung up by her wrists so that he could gloatingly run his gaze over her straining, writhing body.

However, I was always smart enough to hide my opinions on that subject, however, because the very best villains are the ones who no one knows are wicked.

I wear my mask very well these days, occasionally showing those who understand me enough what lies beneath. Like Steerpike, from the Gormenghast books, Gil-Martin, from The Private Memoirs and Confessions of a Justified Sinner, and Tom Ripley, from Patricia Highsmith’s wonderful books, I have a dark side to me that always writhes there, like a bellyful of grinning vipers.

If I want them to, people like me; they trust me; they even adore me. I must say that I have such a hard time not taking advantage of that. It is so tempting; really it is.

But, mostly, I am like the aforementioned Mr. Ripley, seeking not to harm others so long as I am left alone to enjoy myself as I so choose. Although, someone who knew me very well said that I reminded her of Edward from the Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter series. I think she is right about that; in many ways, I am very much like that character, particularly with how I live my daily life.

I enjoy my life . . . and my secrets. And I want to find someone who takes pleasure in the same things, someone who does not shrink from being the imperiled damsel in my clutches. Someone who relishes the thrill of danger that slithers down her spine as my powerful hands run over her smooth skin. Who savors the taste of the breath that catches in her throat when my shadow falls over her trembling face and widened eyes.

Is that you? If you have read this far and have felt a shiver of anticipation as well as trepidation, it may very well be.

What I seek is someone who will allow me the freedom to slake both my baser desires and loftiest eccentricities upon her, and who will not hesitate to beg my indulgence of her most depraved fancy.

Then we replace our masks, until the desire to explore further pounds within our veins with such force that we cannot resist. And then, we will find even more tenebrous and profligate diversions to satisfy ourselves.

Be aware that while I may enjoy pain, I seek only to hurt in delicious ways, never harm or injure. Although my desires are debased, I am not drawn to filth or repugnance. Even if wickedness is what draws you to me, neither of us should possess any truly evil intentions towards the other.

This is a release from those sorts of things for me, not an escalation. As it should be for you, too.

If you have continued to read, then here is where you will learn more concrete things about me and the person I hope to find.

I am tall, muscular, and lean; dark-haired, very masculine, attractive, with high cheekbones, a strong jaw-line, and dark, intense eyes. I am very physically fit, with several tattoos, and I look much younger than my age. I am fiercely intelligent and wickedly humorous, completely an Alpha wolf-type, although creative and discerning rather than overbearing—but that makes me no less dominant.

Anyone who might answer this posting should be similar to me in demeanor and general type—bright, clever, attractive, and physically fit. Sleek, curvaceous bodies are my preference, especially athletic women with smaller breasts and powerful legs. A smart tomboy, girl jock, or vivacious nerdy girl is my ideal, although I am open to anyone with intelligence, nerve, and imagination. Although I am straight, I am drawn towards queer-friendly types as well as those who are also straight.

Below I will include a photo of myself, to pique the curiosity and to satisfy it somewhat at the same time (yes, that is me). If you choose to answer my posting, tell me about yourself, describe what you look like, and include a photo as well. I will be more than willing to reply in kind.

Does what I wrote make you cringe and blush; does it cut to your core? Could it keep you awake at night with terrible, marvelous dreams? If so, then you should write to me.

I will also need you to pay off my extensive library fines so I can read to you from Beauty's Punishment and tell you why Ayn Rand is the greatest genius of all time.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

You and Me, In Verse

You and Me, In Verse


Smooth talker, rhyme walker
Not a caulker, board-chalker
Grad student, mostly prudent
Study physics, not athletics

Six foot even, average build
Don't play WoW, so there's no guild
Play with my Wii if you're willed
If you don't mind being virtually killed

Giant geek, hardly meek
Not a freak, puns I leak
Wordplay a passion, never out of fashion
Please have compassion, it's only ration-al

Crazy dancer, old school romancer
Take-a-chancer, mood enhancer
Creative writer, boredom fighter
Seeking more than a one nighter
To make this world a little brighter

Physically affectionate, rather compassionate
Hopefully adequate to get you to activate
My bearded face you soon will see
But that's enough about lil' old me


A geek too, through and through
Looking for a pas de deux
Quirky, fun and energetic
With your own unique aesthetic
Rarely are you apathetic
Certainly not apologetic

Non-smoker, maybe a toker
As a drinker not mediocre
No fleas, free of disease
Enter a room like a summer breeze

Not a teen, summers you've seen
From twice ten to twice fourteen
A sweet tooth, that's the truth
Inner youth, sometimes sleuth

No kids (yet), no regrets
Know your way 'round a chess set
Like to travel, maybe Tibet
A dog or a cat you'll pet

Please be single, so we can mingle
Sans your boyfriend roofing my shingles

Email me, we'll see what develops
Hopefully we'll find a love that envelops

Pic for pic, gotta be quick
I might click with some other chick

Ahhhh, poetry. le sigh. Your Auntie Jane has an ex who wooed her with the words (sung to the tune of Steve Miller's
"The Joker"

I'm a Coke can
I'm Dwight Yoakam
I'm a big Tone Lōc fan.

Buuut, it ended badly and Auntie has lost her taste for the poets. ( Thanks again to our beloved Northeastern Correspondent.)

The return of Auntie Jane

Hellooooooo, goslings! Your Auntie has just returned from an extended stay at a Turkish Prison glamorous Health Spa for marital aid smuggling a Rest Cure. I had such a lovely time, and got to know my guard valet Husamettin rawther well.

Anywho, back to the men!

Emotional cripples apply here!!!

Do you lack basic social skills? Are you incapable of caring for anyone but yourself? Did you not graduate high school and currently hold a dead end job? Or are you an "artist" who spends his almost 40 year old days in coffee shops working on the next "great American novel" or updated version of "howl"? Do you have an unhealthy relationship with your family (especially if this applies to your father). Do you attempt to disguise your failings behind a facade of physical health? Do you only date men who meet the current standard of success and begin all relationships with the predication that he be "cool/macho"? Can you not recite the alphabet and do you want to get more than you give on every level? Then talk to me. Because evidently I am a magnet for all of that. You just might get lucky with a man who is: overqualified for nearly everything; has a degree, works hard and has solid values; is well read and intelligent... but tends to attract women who are sorely lacking in all areas of social grace and integrity. So bring it on. C'mon, what do you have to lose? You aren't doing anything anyway.

PS Please live close in NE or SE Portland since your car in constantly IN THE SHOP so I don't have to drive all over town to pick you up.

Ooooh, lovey, is Auntie the right girl for you! I'll be right over with my vacation snaps!